Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Important Dates and Heavy Weights

Of course, every day has its Ying and Yang.
It's good and not so.
I try to focus on the good. 

When I awoke this is what I saw. 
What a gift. 
It is not all my land, but I stand before and declare:
The Queen has decreed it shall be a very good day in the little kingdom. 

Yesterday's not so good. 
My sister shared a photo of my parents. 
It was their 65th wedding anniversary.
Many of you know my father and I are keeping our distances.
My mom is quite ill with alzehimers.

It was the saddest photo I could imagine.
They sat in a dark corner of the nursing home together. 
Her in that chair they put her in.
Him with his back to the photo. 
I imagine he is crying but he is eating at the same time.
My mother is staring, blankly ahead. 
There is a banner that says Happy Anniversary .
it. Tore. me. Up.

I know from Susan, my smart and sweet therapist of years ago that important dates carry heavy weights. 
(oh I just made that up)

My nephews wife, Heather, sends my mom a Christmas card. 
She asks me  how she is doing. 
She is the good of yesterday. 
I texted her sadly. 
She reminded me of the good of being a child of my mother and always a child of God.

I need some yarn .
I need it bad.


Tired Teacher said...

Sending big hugs your way!

Donna Boucher said...


AsKatKnits said...

Sending you hugs - this post brought tears to my eyes. I think yarn is the perfect balm for a troubled soul. XO

Kim in Oregon said...

Love and hugs to you my friendy friend.

Anonymous said...

Hugs sweet lady and do go get that yarn. It doesn't change a thing, but it DOES make a GOOD thing in the day.

Araignee said...

Oh, wow.....I suppose I am blessed by not having to watch my Mom see Daddio in this state. I did have to watch him saying goodbye to her in those last terrible weeks in the hospital. November 12th at 4:30 pm on a rainy day. You are so right. Important dates, heavy weights. I've been carrying them for 15 years now and it never gets easier.
Go get some yarn. Go get anything you want. Life it too fragile to deny yourself any happiness. My new motto.

Betsy said...

I am so sorry you are having to bear this heavy weight my friend. I lost my mother 27 years ago when I was only 29 years old. It was devastating and completely out of the blue and unexpected as she had not been ill. Then my Dad married his longtime mistress shortly afterward which was a shock to us all because we had no knowledge of the affair. All four of us kids and our families were cast out of their lives immediately. So, I lost my parents within days of each other. My consolation was that my Mom was gone and had no knowledge of it. We all have our family "things" don't we? BUT, it doesn't make things easier to go through. My prayers are with you my friend. You need yarn. NOW!!!! GO get some immediately. If I lived closer I would bring it to you right this minute. I hope you can feel my hugs from way out here in Washington.

Vera said...

Oh Kathy, this post broke my heart. Sending you tons of hugs and love. Definitely go get yarn. It won't solve the problems or issues, but it will bring some joy to your day. Wishing only the best for you.

KSD said...

I burst into tears reading about the photo. What can I do for you? How can I shoulder some of the weight? It would be an honor.

elns said...

I want to hug you so bad Kathy. Hang in there lady. You are doing well holding on to the good you see in the world and interact with. The positive is there, it just doesn't invalidate the sad and the sorrow that is real as well. These pains, your weights are real, but they can be managed. Take heart you have ours.

Judy S. said...

Kathy, I wish I were there to hug you in person! Hope that today is a big improvement from the sadness of yesterday and that you did make a trip to the yarn shop. Know that you are in my thoughts!

Stefanie Ng said...

Hug; I'm sorry certain memories are coloring your air blue. Hug again.

Teresa Kasner said...

What a sad image.. sorry you are having difficulties with your dad.. will you still be able to see your mom since you moved? ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

Delighted Hands said...

Sending strength ad support-have a good cry for what is lost. Know you are still loved.
By all means, knit.

Katherine said...

Nothing is more devastating to a family, and especially to a daughter when alzheimers takes control. I read the news that cures and helpful medications are coming with great hope. I'm so sorry I missed your post yesterday so I would be able to stop and pray for you at that moment. I'm praying for you and for your sweet mom now and thinking loving thoughts for you both.

Amy at love made my home said...

Hugs to you my dear. So very sad. xx

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