Saturday, July 18, 2015

Top Ten Things to do When the Family Leaves you Home Alone

 1. Buy the water loving cat a pool.  For eleven dollars it can sub as a cooler with ice and beer at the next summer party. 
When the big Cat's away.. the little cats play.  Please note, I stopped short of buying him a goldfish to chase around.  I thought about it though.  I have a few hours left here alone, so you never know.


2. Rent movie made by Disney that husband would never sit through.  Big Hero 6 was a delight.  I'm sure it is a delight to everyone under the age of 8 as well.  I could chatter about how the animation was spectacular, but I come from the generation of the Jetsons.  Rosie, the maid was pretty much the same character with a dose of sarcasm that I prefer in my robots.   

3. Control the controls.  There's a creepy power trip going on here. I vacillate between listening only to the sound of my own voice (in my head....I've not been alone long enough to talk out loud to myself...but hey....that could be fun) and turning on the TV with the remote.   Suffice to say I can watch Modern Family reruns pretty much all day and no one else around here can. 
Around here I awake to the cockney sounds of Phil Liggett, every morning as the Fireman watches the Tour De France in July.  I don't like golf or lengthy cyclists or race cars because the coverage rotates at a crazy rate.  I want to watch one golfer only through 18 holes.  I want the car race to be in a straight line.  I don't want to watch a scroll across the top of the screen to figure out whose in front.  If the guy with the yellow jersey is not the guy who is in front, then they are just  confusing me for the sport of it.   I have enough to do to keep gauge. 

4. Not cook.  You all know exactly what those two words mean. 
They mean not plan, not prepare, not ask the rest of those who eat here if they want my plan and my preparation.  It also means ice cream could be dinner.  Let's not go there.

5.  Put hair in comfortable barrettes that otherwise look ridiculous.

6.  Knit my new purse pattern without interruption.  Fireman has this new saying.  It goes like this, 'You aren't listening to me, are you?" Well no.  I'm knitting or posting or reading emails or otherwise focusing on the one thing my brain can handle at a time. 
I think I'd be much more into listening if the people around here said, 
"Hey I noticed you are clearly punishing that keyboard at a smoking rate, but can you stop for a minute, I have a question.
When did we say we were going to meet at my sister's house tomorrow?  Did we say 3 or 4? "
I've gotten much nicer in my 50s. In my 30s, I would say, 
"pretend I'm dead, what would you do?"  I really did say that. I was sassy in my thirties.  Now I just say, 'I wasn't listening you are right'.    Because he's pretty wonderful otherwise. 

7.  Think about things you could do that involve leaving the screen porch, and not do them.  I only have 24 hours people, in my little castle, all alone with 4 cats.  If I had a week,  I might get off the porch.  I don't.  I have 24 hours.  There's no place like home.

8.  Relish the thought that Fireman wanted to go camping and I did not.  Think of a way to thank the son who fulfilled his father's summer dream to sit with the bugs in a tent on the hottest day of this summer.  

9. Read till I fall asleep.  This never happens.  I don't know why. Fireman is not opposed to my reading.  It has been ages and ages and many babies ago that I fell asleep with a book in my hands.  Perhaps because I don't read in bed, and it is a hassle to put the book down and climb stairs.  Last night, due to the extreme heat, I slept on the couch.  Next to the air conditioner.  When I was done reading, all I had to do was close the book.....and drop it. 

10.  Wear your shirt inside out.  Because, no one was there to tell me it was inside out and I didnt notice until I was going to the couch to sleep.  Hey, it was my 24 hours and no one saw me. I did not embarrass my husband in public.  Had I stumbled and required medical assistance in the form of his former colleagues in an ambulance, I can assure you I would have taken out the barrettes, put a new shirt on and maybe some lipstick.   I'm not sure how I would have explained the cat in the pool, however....

16 comments:

Araignee said...

Hilarious! I am guilty of it all especially the not listening thing. I say "if I have needles in my hand don't even bother talking to me" it doesn't work though. Maybe I need a sign. Being home alone is WONDERFUL. It recharges my batteries because I can hear the voices in my own head for a change. I am in Daughter's gorgeous new apartment with her kitties for the weekend ALL BY MYSELF. There is a Whole Foods right under me. I bought cookies, potato chips, bagels, a baguette and a box of pricey organic mac and cheese for dinner. It's going to be an all carb weekend.
Kitty is adorable splashing around like that with his kitty toys. He's getting to be such a big boy!

Nancy Kay said...

Oh my goodness, SOOO FUNNY! Really, a cat that likes to get in a pool??? "Alone time" is so precious... it becomes hilarious. Good for you! Ice cream for . . . supper? Sounds delicious, and I could argue, nutritious.

Mereknits said...

I am so with you on all of this but I can only dream of ever being alone again. I have Mr 18 staying home to go to college, my husband who rarely leaves and Little Buddy. The only time I am alone is when I am driving to or from work. Can I come over? I promise not to say a thing, I will just hide out in the back bedroom, you won't even know I am there.
Meredith

knitterbeader said...

You so made me laugh all the way through your post. Love the kitting pawing the toy in the water! I also enjoy being alone on occasion. Hubby used to go golfing once a week and I looked forward to that day. However, he's not been doing that of late and I really notice it!!

Katherine said...

Dh and I are sitting here laughing and I think I will be for the rest of the weekend! The cat in the pool is a tough one. I love that cat of yours. He is so darn cute and strange at the same time.

When someone in our house says the words, "You're not listening to me are you?" I assure you it is not DH. I talk to myself a lot because he is busy and not listening. It's okay though, because I get some very interesting conversation when I talk to myself!

Judy S. said...

Sounds like you had some "great me-time"! Your kitty looks quite at home in the water; Ginger and Mocha would not approve.

KSD said...

Heaven, from 1 to 10.

Tired Teacher said...

I love it!! Yes, Fezzik should have at least one goldfish in his life, so why not now?

kathy b said...

Of Course you can. Knitters can come any time....bring your yarn

kathy b said...

That's my line of thinking exactly...

SissySees said...

What a fun, happy post! I'm glad you didn't have to go camping. I'm celebrating not going fishing on a very hot day too. I may walk the dogs before church, but it is HOT. I wish my girls would play in a kiddie pool. The boy-dogs loved it; the girls do not.

Marilyn K said...

That is just how I feel when my husband is gone!

karen said...

I would definitely tell you about the shirt....I love your cat and the water loving. Please do not get him a goldfish....I know he would love it but the gold fish might not :)

Caffeine Girl said...

Can't tell you how many times I laughed while reading this! I really want to see a photo of you wearing the barrettes! Just kidding (sorta).
I especially loved number 6. I can't wait to use that line on my hubby!

elns said...

I love this list Kathy. I feel like you were living out your Tom Cruise risky business fantasies. hehe. And I feel like your fun times alone times are a lot like mine. I love that you cat enjoys a good lap swim, ha! How cute is he? Is this a Coon thing? Because my pal had a Coon that enjoyed the bath and shower. funny right?

Also, YES to the barrettes that look ridiculous. I don't know if when I do it you can even call it putting your hair up and out as much as hair torture.

Kathy, I think your voices and my voices should hang out on the couch and watch Modern Family reruns and knit. Self flipping pancakes for all my friends!

Yarn Miracle said...

SWIM, KITTY!

I wonder what William Henry would do if I got him a pool... (we loved Big Hero 6 too and I always fall asleep with my book - the Kindle turns itself off so Michael doesn't have to deal with the light anymore aaahhhh technology)

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